Learning from my past--Post #2

As I've mentioned in a previous post, I'm starting something new with my blog this year! I feel prompted to occasionally post personal journal entries I've written in the past. The journal entry I'm going to share today is a reminder to me that life can be really hard sometimes. It inspires me to remember trials I've faced in the past, and to see how the Lord has blessed me to rise above, persevere, and stay strong. I hope sharing something so personal to me will somehow be of value to another. (On a side note, I had to shorten this journal entry on Instagram--but this blog post contains the full entry). 

Journal Entry June 10, 2018

Today is one of those days where I just feel like crying. I feel “off” in a lot of ways and it’s hard. My health has been really challenging. I try to keep a positive attitude but I can’t deny that it’s really, really hard. My head and tailbone just won’t seem to heal. I’m living in constant pain. I’ve also been sick this week and a half (still am), which is difficult as a mom. It’s hard to find motivation to clean, cook, and play amidst feeling awful. Brent has to work more than normal (summertime), which can be hard. The anniversary of KJ’s death is nearing—and it is breaking my heart that I feel myself starting to “lose” the details, the memories. I don’t want to forget my little brother. I don’t feel him as close. I miss him so much. It also breaks my heart that my kids don’t have their Uncle KJ.

I worry for each of my children and it pains me to see their struggles. I feel a little defeated. I’m trying to serve, read my scriptures, pray, be a good mom, minister, etc—yet I still feel down.

But, experience has taught me that this is LIFE, and I have to keep pressing on with a steadfastness in Christ. I must hope for better days ahead—because I know they await. If I hold tight to the iron rod and don’t give up, I will experience the sweet fruit of my labors. The Lord is aware of me and is proud of me (I feel this from the Spirit right now, which is truly a tender mercy). Heavenly Father is sending me His parental love and concern. He wants me to know I am His beloved daughter and everything will be okay. I need to surrender my fears, worries, and unknowns to Him. He will take care of it. I need to live by faith and hope. I’m on the right path and I’m doing better than I realize. The Lord is pleased with my motherhood and wants me to recognize that. I’m reminded to rely on the atonement every single day and to practice complete faith that Christ will enable me in whatever I’m facing. I know my trials aren’t going away, but I also know that this is a season. I won’t give up. I won’t quit. I will be triumphant and I will rejoice in better days ahead. I know blessings await. I know there is purpose in everything I’m experiencing right now. I’m so grateful for the gospel and for the foundation of Jesus Christ. I don’t know what “life” is going to bring each day, but I do know what choosing Christ will bring. God will never lead me astray. By choosing Him and putting Him first, everything--in heaven and earth--will work together, for my good.