I loved my childhood because of how much I played. My summers were spent exploring outside, playing pickleball, riding bikes, sleeping on the trampoline, making movies, playing in the sprinkler, building forts, eating popsicles, making up games, and catching grasshoppers. Yes, I still had chores/responsibilities each day, but the majority of my time was spent playing. My mom and dad joined the fun on occasion, and other times they let us kids run free. I remember playing pickleball with my dad and jumping on the trampoline with my mom. The fact that they took the time to play with me meant so, so much. It made me feel special, important, and loved. That quality time together is a gift that can’t be diminished. Now that I am a parent, I want to offer the same gift to my children.
I obtained my bachelor’s degree in Child Development, and I will never forget how much I studied the importance of play. Young children learn best through unstructured playing, moving around, and exploring. And when a loving parent joins in play with them, even for small amounts of time, the positive benefits are amazing. Child-led playing with a loving adult is actually imperative to a child’s development. It doesn’t require much time or planning for the adult, it just requires loving effort. In fact, simply spending 15-20 minutes a day playing with our kids is invaluable, and will greatly bless both parent and child. Sometimes we think kids need more structure, more programs, more camps, more lessons—but the thing they really need is more playing time and unstructured, loving parent-child interaction. We need to put away the screens. We need to turn off the TV. Parents and children need to rediscover the magical world of playing together. Yes, playing can feel overwhelming and exhausting, it requires patience, and sometimes it disrupts the things we need to get done. BUT, I know it is one of the most important things we can do for our children’s development (in all aspects). We don't need to play with them all day long to make a difference. Even just spending 5 minutes here and 5 minutes there each day, we can see how our small (but consistent) acts can have a great, positive impact on our families.
Dallin H. Oaks powerfully reminds all parents,
“In choosing how we spend time as a family, we should be careful not to exhaust our available time on things that are merely good and leave little time for that which is better or best. A friend took his young family on a series of summer vacation trips, including visits to memorable historic sites. At the end of the summer he asked his teenage son which of these good summer activities he enjoyed most. The father learned from the reply, and so did those he told of it. “The thing I liked best this summer,” the boy replied, “was the night you and I laid on the lawn and looked at the stars and talked.” Super family activities may be good for children, but they are not always better than one-on-one time with a loving parent.
“The amount of children-and-parent time absorbed in the good
activities of private lessons, team sports, and other school and club
activities also needs to be carefully regulated. Otherwise, children will be
overscheduled, and parents will be frazzled and frustrated. Parents should act
to preserve time for family prayer, family scripture study, family home
evening, and the other precious togetherness and individual one-on-one time
that binds a family together and fixes children’s values on things of eternal worth.
Parents should teach gospel priorities through what they do with their
children.
“Family experts have warned against what they call “the
overscheduling of children.” In the last generation children are far busier and
families spend far less time together. Among many measures of this disturbing
trend are the reports that structured sports time has doubled, but children’s
free time has declined by 12 hours per week, and unstructured outdoor
activities have fallen by 50 percent.”
“Play allows children
to use their creativity while developing their imagination, dexterity, and
physical, cognitive, and emotional strength. Play is important to healthy brain
development. It is through play that children at a very early age engage and
interact in the world around them. Play allows children to create and explore a
world they can master, conquering their fears while practicing adult roles,
sometimes in conjunction with other children or adult caregivers. As they
master their world, play helps children develop new competencies that lead to
enhanced confidence and the resiliency they will need to face future
challenges. Undirected play allows children to learn how to work in groups, to
share, to negotiate, to resolve conflicts, and to learn self-advocacy skills.
When play is allowed to be child driven, children practice decision-making
skills, move at their own pace, discover their own areas of interest, and
ultimately engage fully in the passions they wish to pursue. Ideally, much of
play involves adults, but when play is controlled by adults, children acquiesce
to adult rules and concerns and lose some of the benefits play offers them,
particularly in developing creativity, leadership, and group skills. In
contrast to passive entertainment, play builds active, healthy bodies. In fact,
it has been suggested that encouraging unstructured play may be an exceptional
way to increase physical activity levels in children, which is one important
strategy in the resolution of the obesity epidemic. Perhaps above all, play is
a simple joy that is a cherished part of childhood.”
Sometimes it takes awhile for my kids to get creative and start playing. I turn off screens and let them be “bored.” Before I know it, kids are disappearing and exploring. They are jumping and laughing. They are building forts and strategizing. The magic of their brains spreads throughout my home. They play for hours and hours. Yes, it creates more messes. Yes, there is fighting amongst siblings. Yes, there are arguments and tears. BUT, each of those occurrences create opportunities for growth and learning—learning to clean up, learning to say sorry, learning to listen, learning to compromise, learning to share, learning to problem-solve…learning skills they will need for the rest of their lives.
Ginsburg and the Committee further teach,
“Children’s
developmental trajectory is critically mediated by appropriate, affective
relationships with loving and consistent caregivers as they relate to children
through play. When parents observe their children in play or join with them in
child-driven play, they are given a unique opportunity to see the world from
their child’s vantage point as the child navigates a world perfectly created
just to fit his or her needs. The interactions that occur through play tell
children that parents are fully paying attention to them and help to build
enduring relationships. Parents who have the opportunity to glimpse into their
children’s world learn to communicate more effectively with their children and
are given another setting to offer gentle, nurturing guidance. Less verbal
children may be able to express their views, experiences, and even frustrations
through play, allowing their parents an opportunity to gain a fuller
understanding of their perspective. Quite simply, play offers parents a
wonderful opportunity to engage fully with their children.”
I love the idea of parents engaging fully with their children
through “child driven play.” As parents, we can join our little ones in their adventures, rather than try to control
their adventures. We have the unique opportunity to see the world through their
eyes, and better understand how best meet their needs as we play with them. Some
of my greatest teaching moments have occurred when I’ve played with my kids.
Some of my sweetest moments have occurred when I’ve played with them. My kids
are happiest when their momma spends quality time with them. Their eyes light
up, their smiles widen, and I feel of their pure love for me (and I for them).
Sometimes, I have to give my kids an idea to get them going. It’s
like throwing the dog a bone, but letting the dog determine how the bone is
played with.😊 I give them an idea, or set up a certain game, and then let them
be the masterminds for the rest. I join in the fun, but let them lead the play.
Most often there aren’t rules and regulations, and I’m just there to encourage,
suggest, and help.
Here are some of the things my kids have played. (Some
of the playing is more structured and some is unstructured). Feel free to use
any of my ideas (or my kids’ ideas) and let your kids adapt/change the games to how
they want to play! And remember, you don't have to play with your kids for hours on end! The playing doesn't have to be planned or elaborate! Let them play freely. Just join in here and there, and you (and your children) will create cherished memories that last forever. (Also, I understand some children can be quite difficult to play with (for whatever reason). For those interested, I've created a note at the end of the article regarding playing with difficult children. Scroll to the bottom for that information).
Play restaurant.
My kids asked to play restaurant one day at lunchtime, so we did it! I spent about 10 minutes playing, and then they played by themselves. Some ideas for the game: let the kids choose what role to be—the cook, the
customer, the hostess, the server, etc. This is a great time to practice
manners and dining etiquette. They can even make menus, set the table fancy,
dress-up, pay pretend money, etc—the options are endless! When I played with my
kids, we couldn’t stop laughing and smiling. So much fun!
Cardboard Boxes + coloring.
My kids gathered all the large cardboard boxes they could
find, found crayons/markers and scissors, sat inside of the boxes, and went to
town. They loved coloring all over it—super fun and not messy. My daughter
turned hers into a robot and my son turned his into a race car. Another time
they made a box into a playhouse. I helped when needed and complimented them on
their great ideas. I love when I see my kids use their imaginations!
Exercise Game.
Make a list of fun exercises (with help from the kids), turn
up the music, and let the happy endorphins kick in. Here is an example of exercises
I’ve done with my kids: 20 jumping jacks, run up and down the stairs 2 times, 5 pushups, 1 back bridge, jump up and down 10 times, run around the
backyard 2 times, do a crab walk across the yard, dance for 30 seconds, etc.
Use the space around you and make it fun!
Write/Illustrate a book.
My daughter often asks if she can type a story on the
computer. After she finishes her story, we print it out, and then she
illustrates it. She also likes to write the stories. Another fun way to play this game is to take turns adding to
the story. Let your child write a sentence or two, and then add your own
sentence. Keep doing this and it gets funnier and funnier! Kids can be so
creative!
Learn to cook a simple recipe.
Children love to be helpers and love to gain independence. A
fun idea is to teach them to cook a simple recipe from start
to finish. Teach them how to prepare the ingredients and clean up afterwards.
You’ll be sure to see your child beaming with pride when they enjoy their
delicious masterpiece. Some ideas are: how to fry an egg, how to make pancakes,
how to make a PB&J sandwich, how to make pudding.
Teach a skill that your child WANTS to learn.
Ask your children what THEY WANT to learn to do this
summer (not what you want for them)—and then make it happen! Practice art together, go outside and shoot
hoops, create paper origami, sing at the piano, read together, plant flowers, etc.
Taste testing game (this is more structured).
Do you ever struggle getting your kids to eat certain foods?
You can make a fun game out of it! I came up with this game a couple of years
ago and my kids loved it! I put SMALL bite size pieces of different foods on a
plate (as illustrated above). Only one piece per item (for example, if you use
broccoli, only put one small broccoli floret on the plate…if you use a
chocolate chip, only one chocolate chip piece on the plate). I was sure to have
some really yummy choices and some that they don’t eat regularly. Everyone took
a turn eating one bite of one item. We talked about its texture, taste, smell,
look, etc. We laughed and we screamed. The key was making it FUN. No forcing,
yelling, or threatening. This created a safe environment for my kids to
experiment with new foods. Some ideas for food items are: broccoli, pretzel,
chocolate chip, cheese, olive, mango, pineapple, cereal piece, cauliflower,
pepper piece, m&m, tuna fish, chicken piece, marshmallow, etc.
Build Forts together.
My kids love gathering all the blankets in the house and
building forts. They love it even more
if I play with them and help them. I don’t have to spend all day with them,
but even if I just play/help build for 10 minutes it makes a big difference!
Play Library.
Gather books in your home and play “library” together. Make library cards, a cozy sitting area, and pop some
popcorn. Read together and “return” the book when you’re done. Lots of fun!
Relay Races.
My kids love relay races! We plan silly/fun things we have
to do (and sometimes I mix in chores that need to get done). For example, spin 10 times, run outside and touch the fence, clean up 10 objects, run upstairs and touch all the doorknobs, clean up 5
things upstairs, make a rooster noise, sing ABC’s, and somersault.
Picnic in the backyard and talk about THEM.
My kids love packing a picnic, putting a blanket in the
grass, and eating together. It’s super simple but sure to create special
moments together. We use this time to talk about cloud shapes in the sky, their
favorite memories, their greatest fears, who is their hero, their favorite
color in the whole world, if they can have any superpower what would it be,
etc. Slowing down and soaking in their sweet, unique spirits always leaves me
uplifted.
Do service together.
It makes us overall happier as a family when we serve together. I ask my kids who we should serve and what we should do. Oftentimes, they are more in tune with who is really in need and their ideas are so special.
Dance together.
My kids love to turn on music and dance. Sometimes we make up a dance together. This creates lots of learning opportunities with your
kids—teamwork, rhythm, memory, coordination, etc. Pick a song together (or a
song out of a hat) and let each child help choreograph it. Something that works
well is allowing each child to make up a move and putting the moves together
one by one. Practice over and over and then perform it for someone (grandma,
dad, cousins, friends, etc).
Turn on the hose in the backyard.
Who knew a hose could be so much fun? My kids can literally
be entertained for hours in the backyard playing with the hose. I go out and
join the fun occasionally, and then leave them to it.
Mop the floor.
Yes, mopping can be fun! Fill up small bowls of water, give
your kids rags, mops, sponges (whatever you have on hand), put socks on
everyone, and lots of fun will immense! My kids use spray bottles filled with
water as well (you can get them at the dollar store). They love the fact that
they get to play with the water, spread it all over the place, and be helpers.
No, my floor isn’t perfectly mopped by the end (I usually go in after and
finish it up)…..but I promise it ends up being cleaner than it looked before!
Go on a treasure hunt in the yard.
Grab some grocery bags or containers, and go hunting in the backyard! The kids can find whatever they want (sticks, bugs, rocks, weeds, leaves, feathers, old toys,
trash, etc). To add to the fun, you can hide a few things of your own out there
as surprise (treats, coins, snacks, etc). After you’ve finished hunting, sit
down together and share what you found.
Spray/Squirt bottles.
Go on a walk.
Spending time with our kids doesn't have to be elaborate! The other evening I went on a walk with my 8-yr-old and 6-yr-old. We talked and and just enjoyed being together. We didn't have a destination--we just walked until we were ready to come home.
"Don't Eat Pete" Game.
I love the memories I have of playing this game with my mom and siblings. It has been so much fun for me to pass this game on to my kids and play it with them. All you need is paper, coloring utensils, and pieces of treats or food (marshmallows, chocolate chips, cereal pieces, pretzels, skittles, etc). Take the piece of paper and draw a grid on it. Have everyone draw some type of face in each box. This paper will be your "playing board." After all of the squares have a drawing of a face, put one marshmallow (or whatever you decide to use) on each face. Next, pick someone to go out of the room. While that person is away, choose one of the faces to be "Pete." Make sure the entire group knows who "Pete" is. Make sure to keep Pete's identity a secret! Bring the person back into the room. That person picks one treat at a time off of the faces. When he/she picks "Pete," everyone yells "Don't eat Pete!" That ends the player's turn. Fill the paper back up with treats and repeat the same game, but have a different player leave the room. Choose a new face for Pete, and play again.
Conclusion
Our little ones need us. They need us to interact with them and play with them. We can make a huge difference in their lives by simply playing with them each day. The play does not have to be elaborate. It does not have to be structured. It does not have to be planned. It does not require a lot of time. All that is required is effort and love.
As I’ve written this article, there is a song that has played in my head over and over, "Let Them Be Little." I want to close by sharing the beautiful lyrics—and I hope we can all cherish our sweet babies a little more each day.
Let Them Be Little
(Songwriters: Billy H. Dean / Richie Mcdonald)
I can remember when you fit in the palm of my hand.
Felt so good in it, no bigger than a minute.
How it amazes me, you're changing with every blink.
Faster than a flower blooms they grow up all too soon.
So let them be little, cause they're only that way for a
while.
Give them hope, give them praise, give them love, every day.
Let em cry, let em giggle, let them sleep in the middle.
Oh, just let them be little
I've never felt so much in one little tender touch.
I live for those kisses, prayers and your wishes.
Now that you're teaching me things only a child can see.
Every night while we're on our knees all I ask is please
Let them be little, cause they're only that way for a while.
Give them hope, give them praise, give them love, everyday.
Let em cry, let em giggle, let them sleep in the middle.
Oh just let them be little.
So innocent, a precious soul, you turn around.
It's time to let them go.
So let them be little, cause they're only that way for a
while.
Give them hope, give them praise, give them love, every day.
Let em cry, let em giggle, let them sleep in the middle.
Oh, just let them be little
Let them be little
***A note on playing with difficult children***
Difficult children can be the hardest to play with/interact
with, but they are the ones that actually need this type of loving play the
most. Through playing, you can help them navigate their emotions, feelings, and
frustrations. You can teach them techniques in responding to their weaknesses.
For example, if your child screams every time he/she doesn’t get their way, you
can say, “Let’s try that again. Let’s try not screaming and choose a different
way to express how you feel.” Work with your child until you come up with a
solution together. This helps equip your child for the future.
Remember:
1.
Be patient, and then be patient some more.
Remember that this is not a race,
every child develops at their own pace, and you are their greatest advocate in
helping them learn and develop. The world won’t be patient with them, but you
can be! You can give them hope and encouragement amidst a very cynical and
critical world. When they experience loving, patient responses to their
problems, they will be more likely to respond positively to your teachings.
2.
Try, try again.
You might try playing with your
child, and it will be a total disaster—tears, outbursts, name calling, mean
actions, etc. Don’t give up! Take a break a try again later. Allow your
child to try again, too. Be so happy for small successes, and don’t let the
problems discourage you. Take it a day at time, and pray for guidance.
3.
Specifically praise them for their successes and
good behaviors.
Without question, my children’s
behavior improves when I spend time specifically praising their positive
behaviors. When you play with your child, try to focus on the good instead of
the bad. Praise them, and be so happy for the good that they do! Some examples:
“Wow! You did such a good job sharing your truck with me! I am so so proud of
you!” or “I love how much you are smiling and saying nice words. That makes me
feel so happy. I am so proud of you! Good job!”
4.
Set boundaries and clear expectations.
Make sure your child knows your
expectations. For example, if you don’t want them to hit, kindly tell them that
when you play, there is no hitting. Or if you expect kind words, remind them often
how important kind words are. If you expect the toys to be cleaned up, clearly state that. Reiterate this throughout the play and remind the
child what is expected. Remember, your expectations for your children should be
developmentally age appropriate (what you expect from a 2-year-old is very
different than what you expect from an 8-year-old).
5.
Model the behavior you would like to see in your
child. Be kind, positive, and uplifting.
How can we expect our children to
not yell, to control their temper, and to use kind words if we aren’t doing so
ourselves? If your child makes a mistake, it isn’t helpful to make them feel
even worse about themselves. Instead, bring their attention to the problem. Ask
them why it wasn’t the right choice. Ask them to think of what they should’ve
done differently. Help them fix the problem (saying sorry, cleaning up a mess,
etc). And then give them the courage to try again. Be kind, be encouraging, and
bring hope—just the way the Savior would.
*On a side note, I do not believe
in spanking. There are a million (literally) better alternatives to it. Studies
show that there are far more effective methods to teaching your children compared
to spanking—but that is another blog post for another day. ;)
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