A Small Tweak that Makes a Huge Difference, Especially for Mothers and Wives

If you are anything like me, as soon as you hear the word “service,” you start to feel like you aren’t doing enough. And almost simultaneously you think of all the reasons why you aren’t able to serve more. I know it’s a sensitive subject for many of us. It is my prayer that this article will create an excitement and desire to serve, rather than any feelings of guilt or despair. I hope it will leave us feeling with the thought, “I can!” instead of, “I can’t.” As mothers and wives, we can find more happiness in the service we give—just by tweaking our hearts.

Tweaking our hearts? Allow me to explain. Motherhood requires so much sacrifice and selflessness—that is a given. Whether we feel like changing a diaper or not, it has to be done. We serve day and night. But sadly, if we only go through the motions of service, we set ourselves up to feel frustrated and bitter—even in the very act of service we render. If Satan can get us to remove our hearts from the service we give, he knows it will rob us of joy that could be ours. He tricks us to serve with our hearts turned inward instead of turned outward.

What if Christ irritably mumbled under his breath while on the cross? What if He still died for us, but His heart was far removed? HIS experience would have cankered His soul. YOU and I would have still enjoyed the blessings of His sacrifice for us, but HE wouldn’t have felt the same (even though He went through the motions). Our children and spouses will be blessed through our daily sacrifices and service, even if our hearts are removed. But WE, the daily givers, will miss out on SO much. Just by turning our hearts outward, a horrible day can be turned into a blessed day; a sour moment can be turned into a sweet one. Going through the motions isn’t enough—our hearts need to be involved. The scriptures teach that we must have clean hands AND a pure heart (Psalms 24:4). 

To be honest, the content in this article was not my idea. For quite awhile I haven’t known what to write about, but that all changed last week. I was cooking dinner and the Holy Ghost enlightened my mind with very specific thoughts. I knew I needed to record the insights immediately. As I recorded, I gained a new understanding that resonated in my soul. I’ve always known the importance of focusing on others instead of myself, but I never realized how much it applied to motherhood and wifehood. The idea of serving with my heart turned outward—as a mother and wife—stirred in my heart. I knew I needed to work on it. In fact, I felt excited and hopeful to apply what I learned. Oh how grateful and humbled I am with the results. Just yesterday, I felt more joy as I made my family dinner. I felt excited to make cookies for my husband and kids. More patience filled my heart while my kids were screaming at each other. I was a better listener. In essence, I was doing all the same things I normally do, but I found more happiness in it. I felt more enabled as a mother and wife. By not focusing on myself as I served, every part of my day was more joyful and fulfilling.

Our former beloved prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley, taught,

"Do you want to be happy? Forget yourself and get lost in this great cause. Lend your efforts to helping people. Cultivate a spirit of forgiveness in your heart against any who might have offended you. Look to the Lord and live and work to lift and serve His sons and daughters. You will come to know a happiness that you have never known before if you will do that. I do not care how old you are, how young you are, whatever. You can lift people and help them. Heaven knows there are so very, very, very many people in this world who need help. Oh, so very, very many. Let’s get the cankering, selfish attitude out of our lives, my brothers and sisters, and stand a little taller and reach a little higher in the service of others. … Stand taller, stand higher, lift those with feeble knees, hold up the arms of those that hang down. Live the gospel of Jesus Christ. Forget yourself."

It seems counter-intuitive, right? (Especially since we live in a “selfie” generation). But I bear my witness that President Hinckely’s words are true—that by unselfishly lifting those around us, we will “come to know a happiness we have never known before.” When I uplift others, my own burdens are ALWAYS lightened and I’m happier. When I attend church with the mindset of “who can I uplift” rather than “what’s in it for me"...I always have a better experience. Or when I wake up in the night to help a sick child and feel compassion instead of annoyance, the night goes much better. If I read a book to my kids with the mindset of “how can I make this fun for them” instead of “I can’t wait to be done with this”...once again, I have a much better experience. By adding the ingredient of turning my heart outward, with a sincere desire to uplift, motherhood and wifehood goes from merely tolerable to wonderfully abundant.

I love how simple this is! It’s not something to “add to the list,” but instead, it is simply adjusting our hearts. All we have to do is TRY, and the Lord will make up for the rest. If we start the day with a silent prayer, “Please help me turn my heart outward today as a mother and wife,” I promise we will notice a positive difference in the day. As we take that step of faith, God will take it from there.

You are giving more service than you realize, Momma. Embrace it. Find joy in it. Recognize it. Your selflessness will give you joy and fulfillment. SEE what you are doing for what it is…God’s work. Motherhood isn’t some mundane, pointless, frustrating task. It is God’s work. It is the most important thing we will ever do in this life. As we “lose” ourselves in our commitment to unselfishly serve our families, we will most definitely “find” a life more beautiful than we can imagine (Mark 8:35). A small and simple tweak of the heart will bring about such a great change in our personal lives, and in lives of those we serve (Alma 37:6).